Letter Twenty Two, December 16, 1995

Priscilla's Other Daughter Reflects

December 16, 1995

Wes
Houston, TX

Dear Wes:

Ben and I just received your Christmas letter and I wanted to respond directly to you. Because you are my cousin and a part of this family I am always interested and care about how you are doing. Since the years have passed with very little contact with each other (other than your visits and Christmas newsletters) I'd like to speak my mind and my heart.

I was deeply saddened when I learned in 1983 (?) that you declared yourself to be a homosexual. In some regards I understood. You were deprived of a healthy, nurturing and affirming childhood and, as I have been told by your sister, suffered neglect and abuse. I remember you as an extremely emotional needy child who suffered greatly socially because of your awkwardness. I watched you struggle as well as heard accounts of you trying to gain acceptance. (When you lived in Santee, CA you went to school with my best friends' sister, Lora whom you were "involved" with as far as Jr. or Sr. High School romances go). What I have often wondered is whether or not you received adequate counseling due to the deprivation of love and acceptance you felt as a child? I believe your awkwardness and inability to interact socially (to the degree of which you felt comfortable) is a direct result of your tumultuous life as a child. Your mom, from all the accounts I have heard, appears to be a mentally imbalanced person. (I don't say this to be mean, rather than it is a factual statement evidenced by her physical and emotion reactions. Susan and Dan, family, and the Bensons have all testified and witnessed first hand behavior which appears irrational and unstable i.e. screaming outbursts and tantrums, suicide attempt, etc.). To compound and complicate things your father wasn't around for you either. Have you ever reconciled your childhood to your emotional and physical needs and the deficits you were left to deal with? To me these are issues that should have been dealt with long before ever involving oneself in any type of relationship, emotionally or sexually. I see a child who never received healthy male affirmation, who never saw his mother engage in a healthy relationship and is/was desperate for feeling love, needed and accepted, deficits and all. I think you found it and in that aspect who could blame anyone? You had a void and found something and someone to fill it. You have a man who comforts you, loves you, and nurtures you and vice versa. It's something you never had and always wanted. Sex is an easy trade off (once you came to terms with it when you had your first encounter. Was that by choice? I don't need the answer, I guess I just wanted you to ask it to yourself) I believe you totally when you say that men are your source of sexual arousal however, I believe it is a "learned" behavior.

By everything I've shared here it would seem that the person who has the problem is me. You found what you were looking for so why do I question and bother writing to you? Because, Wesley, I love you and hurt for you. Because what you settled for isn't by God's design. I don't doubt your love for Tom nor do I condemn it. However, your relationship has crossed the lines Biblically. God never intended for men to engage in sexual practices with men, and women with women. Our bodies anatomically weren't created that way and there are natural, biological repercussions when people violate laws of science. God is the ultimate scientist. His world and the laws surrounding it are orderly and fashioned to work harmoniously. When you try to defy His laws or deny their existence it results into natural repercussions. I think all STD's including AIDS are a natural repercussion due to people stepping outside of God's design and plan for sex. In other words, I don't believe God "created" these diseases as "punishment" and then "zaps" someone with it but rather that it breaks down the natural laws of science which he created. The repercussions of sin affect everyone and it's been that way since Adam and Eve. It happens to the good and bad, the just and the unjust, the innocent and the guilty, all will suffer when God's laws are disobeyed. God's law regarding sex goes back to Genesis 2:24 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother (not his two dads or two moms) and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh." Adam and Eve did not have a "mother and father" so this was God's law concerning mankind to come. God "married" Adam and Eve and then pronounced His law concerning marriage and sex. Sex outside of marriage between a man and his wife is breaking God's law. You will never see STD's in a marriage that has obeyed God. It just won't happen. Anatomically they fit. With the risk of sounding crude, Wes, there are natural repercussions for sodomy. The anal tissues were not designed for penetration and sperm is a foreign chemical to those tissues and the chemical chemistry that exists there.

So why should I care after all we should live and let live, right? People have the right to make their choices and when it comes to bedroom behavior it should be private and nobody else's business. My concern for you is twofold. First of all let me address my concern on a societal level. I really don't think people should make it their businesses as to what goes on inside a bedroom. People make their choices. However, when the laws of the land bring out what is going on inside the bedroom as a political issue, then it is everyone's business. I've seen legislation that attempts to add "sexual orientation" as a category worthy of civil rights. In doing so this "opens the bedroom door" so to speak for public debate. It is the gay community that "opened" the door to an unwilling public. In doing so however, it is what is going on behind closed doors that is part of the discussion as to whether or not sexual orientation defines the person or the act. I believe it is a behavioral issue and therefore, in order to justify' this legislation it must reconcile the consciences of individuals and society to this behavior. In other words, Wes, if a law such as this were to be passed in Oregon (it has passed in other states and/or counties) it is a statement by the land of legitimacy. It puts people in a position of quandary, the law of the land, or the law of God? Usually the two go hand in hand and it was the position of our Founding Fathers that the laws of the land not hinder the laws of conscience. Legislation such as adding "sexual orientation" to our current laws redefines God's laws. Sexuality becomes a subjective definition based upon issues of feelings and desires according to the individual rather than God's design. On a societal level I must fight legislation for these reasons I've shared. I have a duty to stand up for God's word as well as be a "light" to the spiritually lost. However, equally important is my actions and attitudes when doing so. Wesley, just because I disagree does not mean I hate. For some reason the gay community refuses to acknowledge that there are people who care deeply on this side of the issue. Their concern is for the health and well being of the individual (both physically, mentally and spiritually). Yet because they cannot and will not give up their beliefs in God's word they are labeled as somehow not being able to love. If that was indeed the case Wes, it would mean that I do not love my children. I tell them what is biblically true, and when their behavior is incompatible to this truth we correct the behavior and the attitude, with love, acceptance of the individual, and with compassion. This is how our heavenly Father deals with us and this is how we are instructed to bring up our children. The motivation is love and reconciliation not hate and judgment.

My other concern for you lies with you as my cousin and as a follower and believer of Christ. You see, my first and utmost concern for you is your eternal destination. I am not asking you to give up your homosexual acts, that is between you and the Holy Spirit. But I have every right and a duty to tell you that from a biblical truth, it is incompatible to God's design and purpose. Truth is not judging someone. If I deemed you unacceptable because of your acts then that would be judging, and I certainly do not do so. You see even if you did give up homosexual sex, you still wouldn't go to heaven unless you believe in who Christ is, what He did for you and accept Him as Lord of your heart. I want you to be sure of where you are going. You have stated you are a Christian, yet Susan says that you do not believe in the virginal conception of Christ. If this is true Wes, you cannot be a believer in Christ as you do not know who He truly is. If Christ was conceived by the sperm of a man He would just be another man. I would urge you to seek the scriptures, you and you alone, to seek who Christ is. This is THE issue to eternal life.

Finally, I wish also to express that your Christmas letter brings pain. Your anger at my mom is evident in the actions you take against her. This is not from a "Christ like" heart but is vindictive and hurtful. I urge you to reconsider your plans on placing her on the Internet, there simply is no justification for hurting your relatives in this manner. I simply do not understand why a professed Christian would do this. Your actions speak a 1000 words and again I ask whether or not you truly believe in who Christ is.

As I said in the beginning I was going to speak what was on my heart and mind. It's been blunt and painful. It is of greatest sorrow to know you are dying and that time is short for you. I am praying for you Wes, for you to seek Him. He is the answer to the past and He can fill all the emotional voids in your life. He is the one who can give you an answer about homosexuality and love. He is the one who loves you more than anyone else in this world could ever possibly love you. He is the one who determines your eternal destination because He is the one who knows whether or not you are His child.

Love
Betty

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