Letter Sixteen, September 26, 1995

Wes Writes Priscilla's Minister After She...

September 26, 1995

Reverend Lovejoy
A Church
Dallas, Oregon 97338

Dear Reverend Lovejoy,

My aunt, Priscilla, is a member of your congregation. I am writing you because she and I have caused a family rift and I believe you may be the only one who can help heal it.

I am the gay nephew she has spoken to you about. This summer, I brought my life partner to Oregon to visit the family for what was originally to have been an event that our family holds about every five years, called "The Uncles' Party." When Priscilla realized I was bringing Tom, she expressed her position: I shouldn't. She said she felt that the younger family members should not be exposed to a gay relationship. In a series of phone calls and letters (copies enclosed), we both stated our sides to the family. Ultimately, the gathering was canceled, Tom and I came to Oregon and visited family members who did not object to our joint presence, and then we returned home.

It is what has happened since that concerns me. A deep schism has developed between those who chose to see us and those who chose not to. For example, my cousin Sisser (Priscilla's brother William's daughter) had us over to her place a day before a family reunion which Tom and I did not attend. I understand that she was ostracized at that event -- cut off from the rest of the family. Similarly, my Aunt Barbie is very upset that her children chose to see us, even though both daughters explained that they felt they were following Christ' mandate to love everyone, regardless. Priscilla and my father are not speaking. Priscilla's two daughters appear afraid to speak to my sister Susan (who also lives in Dallas, OR) for fear of upsetting their mother. My Aunt Marge, who had us over for cookies, was told by Priscilla that she needed to change churches and go to one less liberal. And I believe my Aunt Joy is in an awkward position, trying not to alienate either side.

I would like our family to get back to being a loving family. I do not want to die (I have AIDS) and have my legacy be a family that is torn apart. It's just wrong.

I wrote Priscilla a letter on August 24 apologizing for anything I had said or done that hurt her, and asking that we pull the family back together. It was returned to me unopened, marked "refused." I am forwarding it to you as I received it, so that you can see its original contents. I believe you may be the one person who Priscilla trusts enough to send it to in order to relay its contents and my genuine love for her.

I would very much appreciate any help you can provide in getting our family back together.

Thank you,
Wes

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