Letter Eight, June 1995
Wes Takes His Case to the Family
June 5, 1995
Dear family members,
I got a call from Aunt Priscilla earlier this week. In essence, she said she felt that I should not bring my life partner, Tom, to the Uncles' Party on August 12. In particular, she said: "He does not belong at a family gathering. It would be okay for him to visit Susan and Dan and others. But we don't want to expose our children to that lifestyle. If we let him come to the party, we would be giving our tacit approval. Everyone has agreed: We have children; no we wouldn't want it. We want you to come. We don't want Tom to come."
This position has caused great hurt in the Texas side of the clan, and put Susan and Dan in a very awkward position. (They were pulling the party together.) I also believe it is based on fear and misunderstanding. I am writing you because I would like to clear up any misconceptions and ask you to reconsider.
The Uncles' Party is a family gathering where we get together to enjoy each other's company and to play tricks on our younger family members. I feel Aunt Priscilla's concerns about Tom's presence are twofold: First, she is concerned that young children at the party will see something inappropriate. Second, she does not consider Tom part of my family -- and therefore not part of our family.
As to the former, we're adults. We both know what proper behavior is for differing situations. If you want some evidence for yourself, ask my father if we did anything embarrassing when Tom and I were at the same table when Daddy got a Chamber of Commerce award. Or ask my nephew Michael if we embarrassed him or his friends at his birthday party last year. Or ask any of our three sets of parents about when they've come to visit us in our home, or when we've visited them in theirs. Or our neighbor, Mrs. Coleman, who invited us to her big 75th birthday party this spring. The answer is no. We are simply good company with good manners -- and are fun to be around.
On the second issue, Tom truly is my life partner and part of my family. We've been together for over three years and have a very loving relationship. All our property is jointly owned and we are the other's beneficiary, power of attorney, etc. My mother -- who had a really hard time adjusting 16 years ago to finding out I was gay -- says that she has never seen me so happy and is glad I have Tom in my life.
I know Aunt Priscilla has deep concerns about homosexuality -- she's written me twice about it. If you have similar concerns, please ask her to share with you the 25 page letter I mailed to her this January 19. It took me a lot of thought, time, research and love to pull together, and is just too long to include here.
There's another issue I need to bring up that is pertinent to this gathering in particular -- my declining health: I've recently recovered from about 6 months of illness. I'm feeling good now, but I was so sick earlier I had to cancel a ski trip I'd already paid for. My T-cells, a basic measure of the immune system, have been consistently dropping: They're now just 1/3 of their already-depressed 1992 levels. If this holds up, in two years I simply won't have an immune system. I'm about to start an experimental drug that could change the picture, but this is most likely my last opportunity to visit Oregon and probably the last time I'll be alive to come to an Uncles' Party. I don't mean to be morbid, I'm just being realistic.
So, with all of the above in mind, I ask you to reconsider. There's nothing anyone needs to be concerned about. The Uncles' Party is a fun family gathering. Please let me bring my partner so that we can share in the fun!
Love,
Li'l Wes
PS: If you still have any unanswered questions, please give me a call. I'd be happy to hear from you and also to address any concerns you may have.
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