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A |
nd then
there were three… Wes & Tom move to
Austin
Our leatherboy, boy tim, lives in Austin, 150 miles
west of our home in Houston. After an
initial trial weekend over the 4th of July, 1999, he began biweekly
visits. Tom and I promised boy tim that
after a reasonable period of time we would look at the issue of combining
households and moving boy tim to Houston.
When asked, we clarified that we felt six months would probably provide
us all with enough information to make an informed decision.
Late in the year, Tom and I made a trip to
Austin. We had a nice time. On the drive home, we started discussing the
possibility of us moving instead of boy tim. A sage friend suggested, since we are able,
that we spend two months in the new city before deciding. "You have to stay long enough to have
the opportunity to get bored. THEN
you'll really know how you feel about pulling up years of roots."
So, on January 15th, Tom and I moved
ourselves and some essentials to Austin, leaving our Houston home in the hands
of a trusted friend.
I was expecting that the relationship stuff would go
smoothly, and that the two months would be simply about whether Austin
was a place we'd like the three of us to live.
Instead the difficult part was hitting a nice stride in the MASTER Wes /
boy tim relationship.
It took about a month for me to be semi-comfortable with my routines in Austin -- remembering the names of people over at the gay A.A. club, knowing where the equipment that I like to use at the gym is, things like that. My mother and I set up a Tuesday afternoon visit which we both enjoy. (She moved to Austin about two years ago.) I've also made one good friend, Allen.
As a city, Tom and I
both like it here. I particularly feel reconnected to outdoors, in part
due to few mosquitoes. The breathing difficulties I had last fall seem to
be nonexistent here. There is nature all around -- squirrels and birds
(particularly cardinals) at our seed feeder, raccoons who
get into Doris' food. (Miss Doris is the delightful resident fluffy
feline. She has a personality very much like our beloved China.) We've also infrequently seen deer
just beyond the property line near the Camp Mabry woods. Mt. Bonnell is just down the street. Town Lake, Lake
Travis and Barton Springs are nearby. To top it off, the house here is
better for three people.
Relationship-wise, the three of us generally have
good days.
But boy tim and I, especially, had some difficulties
in our transition to 24/7.
A big adjustment for boy tim was the change from
having free reign over his schedule to needing to check with us on things. My former slave & still dear friend,
Dave, says that this was the hardest thing for him as well, but that it's not
so much a Dominant/submissive issue as it is a single/partnered issue -- having
someone to consider. Tom and I got boy
tim a cell phone to make that adjustment a bit easier. The tension level decreased further when we
created a boy calendar to make sure specific times were set aside for things
boy tim needed to do -- workouts (Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday), some personal
times for correspondence, calls & bills (Monday/Wednesday/Friday/Sunday),
time for his inner/Al-Anon work (Monday/Wednesday/Friday), a grocery shopping
expedition (Friday) and time for household tasks (Sunday morning).
On my end, I had a period where I /felt/ I wasn't
getting much attention. Dave helped me
refine my thoughts by thoughtful questioning which arrived at this good
summary:
When tim's
at work, he's being of service to you.
When he's working out, he's of service to you.
When he stays in touch with friends, he's being of service to you.
When he's at meetings, that's being of service to you.
That sounds like it accounts
for almost all of his time right there.
It sounds like the disconnect is between his being of service and your wanting attention.
Unfortunately, most of his
activities of service to you are outside of the house and not in your presence.
So it feels like you're not getting enough attention even though he's of
service to you a huge amount of his time.
So I would say the problem
isn't on his side, it's on yours.
That summary really helped my focus, which in turn
helped my attitude.
Before the above was arrived at, however, boy tim
and I had two miscommunication incidents which created much turmoil. One miscommunication was about having him
submit a new petition to us. A second
miscommunication was over implementing the boy calendar. My life lesson in both miscommunications was
that I overreacted and they became Big Things.
If I had intuitively trusted that boy tim wants to do his best for me
and that if I'm not getting that something must have been miscommunicated
-- as opposed to boy tim is doing something to intentionally try to irritate
me -- things would have gone more smoothly in both instances. I've made progress in that area.
Key to us working through difficult times has been
our mutual commitment to making the relationship work. The family's weekly Q&A session has
proven invaluable at clarifying issues in a relaxed manner. We've also tackled issues head-on to avoid
future bumps: March 2 the three of us
had a Financial Framework talk at which we discussed IN DETAIL how we would handle
money over the next 12 months if we were to proceed with either home moving. We came to consensus and put it in writing.
It hasn't been all sludge and drudge, however. There have been many fun things! For example, it is truly endearing to see our muscular boy getting out of his truck when he gets home, walking up the drive in his mailman uniform with his G.I. Joe lunchbox tucked under his arm. And he loves being tucked in at night. he's such a boy! I've had lots of dungeon times with boy. We've prominently hung the Leather Pride flag. We went to San Marcos to get a medical exam table, which has already come in handy... I find Saturday morning yoga refreshing. I get a crisp haircut at Sportsman's Barber Shop biweekly. boy treated me to the butch film “Titus” & the whole family saw "The Sixth Sense."
Tom hit nirvana as the
prime hunter-and-gatherer (shopper/cooker) for the family when he went to
Austin's Central Market with its
huge selection of produce & fish, among other delightful things.
We've also had plenty
of social opportunities. We've been slowly meeting boy's friends.
(New friend) Allen took Daddy Tom & I to a great lunch at Louie's 106
which really made us feel welcome to town. Later we had Allen and his
partner Russ over for barbeque. Master Jim G. came through town on
business. My college roommate, John Bertsch, came into town to say
goodbye to his friend Clifford. The
entire family went to a GWNN Dinner Social
("munch"), with MASTER and boy attending a play party
afterward. And Dave visited for a long weekend around our joint birthdays
(2/28 & 3/1), providing invaluable relationship counseling support.
So, after temporarily living in Austin with boy tim for two months, we have now made the decision to move to Austin permanently. It has been a Most Excellent adventure. We'll be back in Houston to do the transition process, and expect to do the actual move sometime in May.
Love from us to you.
In
uniform.
Officers
Wes & Tom + rookie, boy tim
To Officer
Wes & Tom + boy tim's 2000
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